into the becoming

i've always been the type of person to think of others before myself. As i was driving to work BEFORE the ass-crack of dawn this morning, i pondered about things that i want. Would i be able to make a list? Could i come up with things?

Here's my try. i'm going to try really hard not to censor myself.

i want:

- to pay off all my debt (which isn't really that much, but still.)
- to be thinner.
- to have people want me. *gets distracted and sings*
- to make people feel good.
- to be on my knees.
- to be hurt.
- to be marked.
- to be bruised.
- the new BDB book to come out.
- to be truly talented at something.
- to live in the woods.
- to be truly seen.
- ice cream.
- to go outside and dance naked in the rain.
- to sleep.
- to travel. Anywhere that isn't Illinois. Or Iowa. Or Wisconsin, ferpetessake.
- to have willpower when it comes to food and exercise.
- to not have to depend on drugs to function.
- to loose weight.
- to not be 267 pounds anymore.
- to be pretty.
- to be confident.
- tomorrow's doctor appointment to be nothing special.
- to have the courage, stamina, and general worthiness to make it down to 180 pounds.
- to stop beating myself up and let someone else do it. =)
- to pet my cats.
- to curl up in my bed with my stuffed frog.
- new clothes.
- a Diet Pepsi Lime.