Sooooooooo i went to the walk in clinic that the local hospital has yesterday, and got all sorts of medication. More specifically, i got predizone (sp?) to counter-act the allergic-reationness that's all up in my bloodstream. i'm sooooooooo relieved that it's working, i could tell a difference by dinnertime last night, and today it's so way better. Even the itching is better. i am supposed to take one predizone in the morning, and also one Zantac in the morning, then another Zantac at night along with 50 mgs of Benedryl - i tried that last night, and omg, i was on speed. Whooooooooshit. So far tonight i've only taken the Zantac, and we'll see how it goes, i have some Benedryl creme that i can use if i get itchy.

i think i'm going to join Curves. i have a handle on my eating (mostly), and i think that if i need to adjust that i can do that myself. my big issue is exercise...as in, my motivation is non-existant. i figure that i will have a few things going for me at Curves - i'll be paying for it, so i won't waste my damn money and NOT go, the workout is balanced and guided out, and it's close to where i park for work. There is a Curves here in town, but by the time i get in town, i want to be home, so i figure it's best to do it in the town i work in. That means i can get at least 4 days of working out in, and the other days i can walk or do the bike or something.

Need to do more, need to fight harder.

More health crap

i am Jack's hive-ridden self.

bleh.

Last week, on Friday, i noticed red spots on my neck, near the bottom. Weird, i thought. Then, i noticed a few more, and then on Saturday, my chest, boobs, and belly exploded, along with the back of my neck. Sunday the spots were crawling into the hairline along the back of my neck, and spreading further down my back and belly. Monday and Tuesday it began travelling down my arms and wrists, Wednesday the back of my hands, and Thursday saw the first begin popping up on the backs of my thighs, with every other place still looking as bad if not worse.

Fuck this ALL to hell.

i had a complete and total hissy fit on Wednesday because i itched so bad, even with Benadryl AND Benedryl creme. Thursday i had a wheezing attack after spending two hours outside, and Friday i tried to sleep as much as i possibly could because sleep = no itching. Today i gave in and went to a walk-in clinic that the hospital in town has - the doctor said that because it was generalized and not localized, it was probably something i ate or drank and was now in my bloodstream. Yay me. So i am now taking predizone and zantac, and also a double-dose of Benedryl at night.

Again i say - fuck this ALL TO HELL.

It really wouldn't be so bad with the itching. i can deal with the itching. But like this morning, when i had to show the doctor what was going on, i nearly broke into tears because i felt so horribly -ugly-. Everytime anyone looks at me, i want to cry because i feel so...i don't know, almost ashamed i guess. Even though it's something mostly out of my control, i just feel too ugly to even look at. It's a terrible, awful feeling.

Where the freak have i been?

i've been writing a lot of things here that i haven't published. It was strange at first, to first know that what i was going to write wasn't going to be seen by anyone, and then to simply stare at those thoughts finally written down. Sometimes i didn't even look at the screen, i just stared at my fingers as they hit the keys louder and louder. i'm not done...but it feels good to know that i have an outlet for things that maybe i'm afraid to say otherwise.

Otherwise, i've been well. Took a week-long trip to San Francisco with my mom and sister, got thoroughly sick both before and during, and came home not much more rested than when i left. BUT, it was a great trip.

i have really been feeling the stress lately...so much so that even Darrin noticed. When i called him as i was leaving work, he proclaimed that we were going out to eat and we were going to eat until we simply couldn't anymore. Um, okay. =) So the frog laid into some potato skins, a salad and a huge-astic portion of seafood alfredo. Aaaaaaaand we stopped at Dairy Queen on the way back into town.

i totally take full responsibility for any weight gain, and tell it to shove it up it's own fat ass.