into the becoming

Here it is, the eve of my 30th birthday.

It seems surreal...i certainly don't feel 30, whatever 30 is supposed to feel like. i feel like i just left high school, like i'm wearing pyjamas to brunch in the dormhall and shlumping around whichever campus i attended.

Then again...

i'm married (non-legally). i'm in a steady relationship that faced the ultimate challenge last year at this time, and not only survived but got one thousand times stronger. i have a steady job that i succeed at, and i make a decently high wage.

i began a very long and very difficult journey this past year, which hasn't ended but i believe that i've got my stride going. i feel comfortable with the direction i'm going, i feel comfortable with the pace i'm going (when i'm not impatient), and i feel good about the realizations i'm making.

i didn't make my Birthday resolution of loosing 50 pounds. However, i've lost and kept off 20 pounds, and i've gained a better perspective of what works for me and where i need to go in order to get to where i want to be.

Crap. i'm growing up.