1st realization

The first thing i need to realize is the most important, and probably will take the longest to actually do so. i can only begin at the beginning, and come back to it as i can.

This is what i need:

• i need a confident Man. Someone not only confident in Their ability to master someone, but in their abilities as a Man.
• i need an intelligent Man. Someone who is comfortable seeking knowledge and learning, instead of assuming They know enough.
• i need a Man who can express Himself. Oh, this is going to encompass so many things. i want Him to be able to express His feelings however He wishes, through words or music or art or whatever. i want Him to be able to tell me exactly what He wants. i want Him to be able to have quiet moments, and fun moments, and moments where He throws me against the wall to fuck me before He locks me away.
• i want a Man who knows what He wants, and is comfortable and capable of making that happen.
• i want a Man who wants every inch of me. The part of me that wants to be His fuckslave, the graceful servant, the overpowering adoration and love. If i ache for Him to treat me as His property, i want to know that part is accepted.
• i want a Man who is not afraid of His darkness. i don't think i can explain it much better than that.

Gah...i want, i want, i want. That is quickly becoming the bane of my existance. It feels so strange to be thinking about what i want, when i am striving to become a slave. But...i suppose i need to know what i am looking for, so that i can work to make myself worthy of that. It feels unnatural to concentrate so openly on what i want.