into the becoming

i still have days where i simply cannot face the world. i've not set foot outside of my house since 1:00pm yesterday. i feel like i can't bear it. Logically, i know i could...but i'm just so tired of it all.

i say still, because i really used to be so much worse. i used to handle it so much worse. Now...i can have these days and be okay with them, because i know they will go away, and because i know that if i don't let them happen, i'll only get worse.

So...today is that day. Today is the day where i hide from the world to keep from bundling even more of other people's problems onto my shoulders. Today is the day i shake it off, so that i can be okay tomorrow.

i hide because everything seems so selfish. i don't want to hear about anyone's crappy day, i don't want to hear excuses as to why someone forgot their timecard, i don't want to listen to stories of how they need their check early to pay for food when everyone knows it's basically getting traded in for beer, i don't want to hear about how painful someone else's life is, i don't want to hear about how sad someone is or how much they think the world is out to get them or how wronged they've been.

i need to focus on mine for a minute.