into the becoming

Sooooo...I'll never admit this in public, but I'm scared.

I used to think nothing of getting naked in front of people. It was easy-peasy-lemonsqueesy to get a beating in front of a crowd, to have people mill about and comment on things...

Gah. Maybe that's why I've been having these weird attacks.

I'm scared that we won't do -anything-. For so long, it's just been us...and we really haven't physically done much for a long time. I've told him it's his choice (obviously), but...it will almost feel like I was at a memorial for my own submission if we didn't do anything.

I'm sure I'll get over it.

I'm scared that...ugh, that I'm ugly. U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no al-i-by, you ugly, hey hey, you ugly...WOO!