Okay...so, yeah. i fucking hate food. i hate paying attention to nutritional values, i hate adding up calories and fat grams in my head, i hate being so stupid with food that i have to be so AWARE of it, ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, and i hate that that new drug Alli comes with a warning to bring a change of pants because you might shit yourself.
Man....fuck you, food. Fuck you and the fucking horse you rode in on.
i keep asking myself why. WHY, frog, WHY are you so messed up with food? Why can't you look at it like it should be looked at - as fuel, not comfort. i keep beating my fucking BRAINS out trying to figure out why...
And maybe i'm not supposed to know why. Maybe i'm supposed to be messed up. i mean...maybe i'll never know the WHY, but i can know HOW to live with being messed up. And even if i do know the WHY...maybe that won't mean i can automatically fix it. Maybe i'll just have the WHY without a solution.
Someone...dear god, someone just beat me into a coma. Please.
Little Big Update
6 years ago
3 comments:
*softly* Quit beating yourself up, m'frog. You're being far too hard on yourself, hon. It is not easy, what you are trying to do, and it will not happen overnight, and it will not be something that you will find some magical mindset and it will all be easier. It may always be hard, the trick is to keep trying, and to be kind to yourself along the way. *hugs*
Aisha said it all. And I can tell you firsthand that knowing the "why" isn't necessarily the solution. I know the why of my own obesity, I know exactly why I got this way and continue to be this way, but at least for me, it will require more than that.. it will require not just loving myself but loving myself *enough* to reach for more than "acceptable" in anyone else's eyes. I've been working hard on finding acceptance with who I *am* first, then it'll be time to accept who I can create myself into.
You are loved!!! *huuuggggss*
You said it yourself. Knowing the why isn't important, it's the how that is important. And that pretty much goes for everything in our life, be it food, sex, love...what have you.
*hugs and kisses*
Iron Budokan
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