into the becoming

Don't you feel, sometimes, like you just keep talking about the same stuff, over and over again? And wonder, why do people keep listening to me?

So...fair warning. This will be about the same old stuff. i won't be offended if you skip it.

i want to be able to sit here and type so many things...i want to type that i'm really trying at my diet and being successful and oh-my-gosh-look-how-much-weight-i've-lost....but i can't. Well, i could...but i'd be a big fat liar. (har har)

i haven't gained any weight, which is good. i've started drinking way more water again, which is good. i do good during the day at work. But i'm the suck when i come home. i'm not exercising.

Really, i have to start looking at this a different way. i need to be conscious when i eat, and remember that i am attempting to nourish my body, not throw it fat cells to sit on. i need to remember that i am worth taking care of, even when i have the greatest excuse not to want to (so i think). i need to remember that no one else can do this for me - that even though support is good and would be greatly appreciated, there's not a damn soul on this planet that can force me to do this. i have to make up my mind and FINISH it. i had such a good start, and i can keep going - i have 30 more pounds to loose before December 22. i was feeling so good when i was taking care of myself, i felt good about how i was taking care of myself and i felt good about how i looked. i can keep going. i can.

Right?

*grunt* dammit.