into the becoming

First, i shall do a dance of joy because pixiepie reads my blog.

*DANCEOFJOY*

i'm feeling much better, thank goodness. Gained the weight back, but i'm not really sure i care. i've been watching that TV show on TLC called "I can make you thin" - and while i am of course dubious of anyone trying to make me thin through a television, i have picked up a few good tips that i've been working on.

i'm totally having random thoughts today, so step lightly.

i've been obsessing over Peter Steele from Type O Negative. Holee-keerist i want me some of that. Just thinking of him makes my uterus squee with joy.

i've been considering the idea of giving myself over to Darrin for a day...maybe the weekend. i know it sounds like a tiny step, especially for someone like me who's been "doing this" for so long, but really...it feels kind of big. i've been so self-sufficient in my submission that it's scary to turn that over to someone else. And of course, there's always the fear that it will end badly again...like it has so many times. At the same time, though...i feel differently about it. i'm still not sure, but i don't think it's fear that's holding me back.