into the becoming

Well, if that last post didn't garner any comments, then i am free to say anything i darn well please. Yay me!

i've been the sickest. frog. ever. First it was pneumonia, then Tuesday of last week i somehow pinched a nerve in my shoulder. THEN on Thursday...i get up, get in the shower, and promptly heave out every last ounce of everything in my gut. Let me tell you though, the shower is the place to do something like that...easy clean-up and all. This continues violently every two hours until there is absolutely nothing left, and i look like something death would turn it's nose up at.

Yay me.

Finally, today i am beginning to feel like myself again. i've lost 7 pounds - something that i am secretly pleased with and would probably go through the torment of the last few days again for.

It was strange, though...and a little disconcerting. Even when i was in the midst of the ick, i felt like i should be eating. Even when every PART OF MY BODY was expelling every last ounce of anything it could possible hold, i felt like i should be eating. It was one of the few times i've come face to face with my addiction, and it was scary. i didn't eat - mostly because i simply couldn't. But it was odd to feel such a compulsion even in the face of such...ample proof that i shouldn't be doing it.

When i felt like it was possible to eat, i've been very careful (obviously). i'm still a bit sensitive, and i was very conscious of how my stomach felt. i hope i can retain these memories of being full, because it was a very different experience than the one i normally have.