into the becoming

For a long time, Moose and I struggled with our D/s relationship. What we finally realized was that we needed to concentrate on aspects of our "base" relationship so that the D/s part could be possible. We both had issues with past relationships that we needed to resolve.

We forgot about the D/s stuff for awhile...we came close to breaking up (which was totally and admittedly my fault)...and then it turned around, and we've been better than ever. Except for all the stuff I blew up about a few posts back.

And I've been struggling with that, with the thought process of a woman versus the thought process of a slave. The slave in me wonders why I'm not happy. The slave in me boggles at my need to be recognized by him. Why is all of this so important to me? Why can't I just let it go? The woman in me wonders why the slave even asks those questions. I feel like...inside my head, the woman and the slave are staring at each other in the uncomfortable silence of two people who speak different languages.

It would have been easier when I could separate being a woman and a slave. Now that the two are so joined for me, I'm struggling.