into the becoming

Foods eaten:

Total caloric intake:

Exercise:

Calories burned:

Current weight:

6:11pm

i miss my friends.

8:42pm

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
i don't know how to not be Yours, Master. You've trained me to be this way, and i don't know how to be now.

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
i'm sorry. God, i'm sorry. i miss You...god, i miss You....please, Master...

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
i want to scream...i want to beg You, Master, i can't stop....i have never...NEVER felt so out of place, so left behind and....so stupid.

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
what am i supposed to do, Master? For the past YEAR You've trained me to be Yours, and i can't just....turn it off....i don't WANT to turn it off....

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
tell me what to do, Master...please, tell me how to turn it off.

sairah (Wild Gants) says:
You know what hurts the most, Master? *quietly* Being separated from my friends. i wish...god, i wish i could show You how glad i am for Your decisions...i just can't deal with not being able to to talk to You, or her.

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So...yeah. i'm ugly tonight.

i just...i feel like i'm expected to just...turn off this need for Him that He's taught me over the past year. Yeah, i got distracted, and believe me, i am paying the very expensive price for that, but it never stopped being Him. He's taught me and trained me, and now...He's taken it away, and i'm left completely clueless as to where to go next.

So goes the price for my stupidity, eh?