into the becoming

How painfully honest can i be?

i've started reading a book called "The End Of Diets: Healing Emotional Hunger".

Hi. i'm an emotional eater.

i feel like...have you ever forced yourself to stand in front of the mirror, no matter how grossed out you felt, no matter how disgusted, no matter that you KNEW that if anyone was on the other side of the mirror, THEY'D be disgusted too?

Hi.

i'm pulling at my band-aids with agonizing slowness, revealing the pink, wounded flesh beneath. It's healing, but it's raw...and it hurts.

And it has everything to do with food...and the one thing i somehow can never bear to sit down with. my own emotions.

i relate food to comfort. Ice cream makes me happy. Macaroni and cheese soothes me. When i panic, i reach. When i cry, i reach. When i celebrate, i reach.

*takes a moment*

Why...can't i be alone with my emotions? Why do i have this...abusive relationship with myself?