into the becoming

Foods eaten: banana, soup, cottage cheese, yogurt, turkey breast wrap, chips, lemonade, 3 cookies and cashews

Total caloric intake: 855 + whatever the cookies were

Exercise: 1/2 mile walk, office work

Calories burned: 2070

Current weight: 259

6:29am

Although the wind
blows terribly here,
the moonlight also
leaks through the holes
in the roof
of this ruined house.

- Shibiku

Now...i know i'm not ruined. Sometimes i feel like i am, but logically i know that i'm not...but that poem really, really connects with something in me. Maybe it's because sometimes i feel ruined...especially lately, with the bleeding and the issues regarding past friendships. The poem makes me...quietly hopeful. Not really sad...more like...contemplating the holes. i can see an image of me touching them, examining them, seeing how big they are and how much damage was done. But there's still moonlight coming through, my little shaft of light in the Oubliette.

i've thought about writing letters to people...but i think it's best to just let things lie. i think the best thing to do is learn the lessons from this experience, and turn it into something positive...which is what i hope they are doing as well.

1:45pm

The tiredness hit me much earlier today, around 10:30 this morning. So far i've been good, though - no snacks or anything. i might stop and get Subway tonight, if i have the money for it, because i can get a meal for 370 calories. That is a Turkey breast wrap with American cheese and light mayo, "Light" Lays chips, and a lemonade.