into the becoming

Foods eaten: banana, yogurt, soup, pickles, lemon and herb tilapia, cottage cheese, cashews

Total caloric intake: 780

Exercise: 30 mins on bike, 1/2 mile walk, office work

Calories burned: 2711

Current weight: 260

6:40am

"Your soul isn't in your body; your body is in your soul!" - Alan Watts

i had a really long talk with someone last night. i was really, really upset by something that i'd read...and she was the right person to reach out to.

Y'know...i've done some crappy things. i know that. But i would hope that people around me would know that those things were mistakes, not malicious. If this is way it's meant to be, then that's the way it's meant to be. i'd like to, but i don't think i can change it...so i need to make peace with it.

And actually, i take a great deal of comfort from the fact that the person who wrote what i was hurt by is actually doing something very, very positive for themselves. There's absolutely no way i can find any fault with that at all...i just miss my friend, that's all. So, i feel both good and bad about all of this. Bad, because i think the worst is being believed of me by people who should know better (ah, but the $64,000 question is whether or not i've given them enough good things TO know better...), but good because someone i care about is really turning their life around in a positive way.

Plus...i can't ignore how i feel, either. i can't just push all of that aside and try to make everyone like me. If i feel like i've been taken for granted, that i've been used, that i've been making all the effort and receiving nothing in return, well...that's something i need to consider.

9:02am

From fish:

"Yeah, you can only work to change yourself." - in response to me ruminating on fixing myself or fixing others.

4:34pm

Okay, so i've been thinking about my daily Zen quote up there, and i'll admit: for awhile, i just couldn't wrap my head around it. How is my BODY in my SOUL? WTF? i think, though, that i started to get it. As long as your soul doesn't have a finite form, as long as it isn't constrained by a "holding cell" so to speak, then your soul can move beyond your body - not so much in a new-age-out-of-body-experience kind of way, but in more of an all-encompassing kind of way. Like...your soul can consist of your environment, your surroundings. So...okay. Random philosophical-frog.

And...on a "i am a GOD" note...i spent 10 hours today no more than 18 inches away from 4 opened boxes of Girl Scout cookies...and i didn't eat a single one.

Not. A. Single. One.

i forced everyone who came within screeching distance to eat them all. Heh.