into the becoming

Foods eaten: Banana, grilled pork chop, apple, Special K Bar, grilled hamburger, cashews

Total caloric intake: 860

Exercise: 1/2 mile walk, office work

Calories burned: 2320

Current weight: 256

6:30am

i got a Newsweek in the mail yesterday, and it had letters and emails from soldiers who have died in Iraq. Some of the letters were written specifically to be given to family members after the soldier died. i was in awe...i can't even imagine that thought process. How do you decide that you're going to write a letter to your family so that they have something of you after you die? How do you handle knowing that you're going to die, and sitting down to write a letter like that? What kind of emotions go through you when you get home safely after writing a letter like that?

One of the family members' comments said that it was no longer about being pro or anti-Bush, or pro or anti-war. It was simply about supporting the soldiers. i think that's very true.

On a much lighter note, i totally pigged out on cashews last night, and i actually felt ill. i didn't eat anything "bad" yesterday, but binging on cashews isn't exactly what i need, either. i just...zone out when i eat like that. Maybe i should stop taking snacks into the living room, because i'll just stare at the TV like an ugly mess and forget about what i'm doing - i.e. stuffing myself stupid.

7:34pm

Okay...i just looked at the link midori gave me for Prevention Magazine. (midori, you sweet thing, thank you for caring so much!) According to that, i should probably be eating something around 1500 calories a day. Really, that's only about 500-600 more a day than i have now. i feel actually a little scared about doing that - probably because i don't feel like i've created good habits yet, and i'm not good at staying with the exercise. If i was stable on the exercise part, i could probably keep up with my loss as it's been with eating that much.

Maybe for now, i'll try to increase it to 1000 a day, and keep trying to get back on the right track with the exercise.