into the becoming

Foods eaten: 1 serving cereal with milk, 2 scrambled eggs, 2 pieces of toast, 1/4 cup serving of cashews.

Total caloric intake: 730

Exercise: 30 minutes on bike

Calories burned: 932

Current weight: 266

i was thinking today about internalization vs. externalization. It was one of the topics that was touched on during my phone conversation the other night. Strangely enough, i was thinking about it while i was waiting for the doctor this morning. i was asked a question during the call that made me stop and think - if i found myself alone, sitting on a porch or something with maybe a pencil and a piece of paper, could i be entertained? And as i was waiting in the exam room, i realized that i do that all the time - i get lost in my thoughts, entertain myself. Which is good, except that i was projecting a reality into those thoughts that simply wasn't there.

i started thinking about internalization vs. externalization as it relates to slavery. i think that the most profound slavery comes once it has been internalized - instead of depending on an outside source to -put- you in that place. Actually...now that i think about it, i think internalization is important for everything. For instance...once i internalized my relationship with food, i was able to change it for the better.

Huh.

i also got to talk to midori for awhile last night. she's so amazing, and been such a great friend to me even when i really, -really- didn't deserve it. i hope she knows how much i appreciate her.