into the becoming

Tonight, i'm really lonely.

i'm trying to figure out what i'm lonely for...is it companionship? No, not really. i think i'm lonely for...intimacy. i ache to feel close to someone, someone who recognizes every aspect of me and embraces it and wants it. i ache to be able to share everything with one person - instead of having to censor my words to different people.

i miss being loved. i miss having someone there who will guide me, who will protect me when i need it and cheer me on when i'm strong.

i miss not being taken for granted.

i ache for someone to want me so badly they can barely control themselves. i know the likelyhood of that happening is slim - me being the ugly duckling and all - but there is it. i want to be desired.

i want to be put to my knees. Please, god, please. i want someone's hand in my hair, i want to feel their power coursing over me, i want to hurt beneath their need for me.

i am lonely for someone to want to know every inch of my soul, and still be hungry for me.